Why, when and how do we need to talk about Pornography.

We were born as sexual beings. If you have a positive self -belief that sex is a normal part of life then that's a great place to start the conversation around pornography.

Why ?

Porn and sex are very different. Pornography is not real sex. What we see are actors. If it’s educating our families instead of us then we need to change that as they need to know what real sex is. Recent research indicates that pornography because of the internet is now affordable, easily accessable and can be addictive. If we educate them, then our kids may learn and think from watching or reading it that sex can be violent, (people especially woman often look like they are enjoying the violence) devoid of any emotion, should not involve consent, value, trust, respect, love or any kind of relationship. Pornography can be really scary and dangerous, especially if a child knows nothing about sex before seeing porn as they may feel fearful, ashamed guilty, confused and anxious.

When?

It should be before they see porn so they will know what is real, right and true and know what to do when they see it. As pornography is being watched by younger and younger children we need to educate them early. We can have positive conversations from the moment our kids can talk. (By using the proper names for private parts so they get using the right words and talk about child protection.) In our sex saturated society the opportunities to talk are all around us.

How?

It should not be a one off scary conversation instead be a conversation without fear, guilt and shame around safety, asking questions about what they know, respecting their opinions and not condemning them. Get informed yourself, stay calm even if you don’t feel it. Know what and why you believe what you do so you can explain it to your kids. Know what your kids are watching and what forms of internet your children are using. ie: instagram you tube etc Reassure them that they are not ever in trouble about any conversation to do with sex or pornography. Make your conversations open ended and positive. Have family rules around all devises attached to the internet. Make sure you include answers that talk about emotion, consent, value, trust, respect, love or relationship.

 You can start the conversation about sex before pornography does.