Why do we need to have conversations about sex with our kids?
Last week, I was on an American podcast with the amazing Rachel Nielsen from ‘3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms’.
We had so much fun together as we chatted about 3 important things when talking with your kids about sex. Let me just say, however, I could have talked about 1000 important things! Here are some more tips that are on my website.
Rachel is one gorgeous human, and we could have chatted all day. She is making a huge difference in the lives of many moms through realistic education, wisdom, and empowerment.
I love how she mentioned that the 3 tips needed to be ACTIONABLE. To me, this means realistic and practical advice that you can use in the normal everyday situations in life – which is so helpful. Being a parent and talking about tough topics is not easy.
I really couldn’t choose which things are more important than the other, but here are the three ACTIONABLE takeaways that I talked with Rachel about:.
The three ACTIONABLE takeaways:
Start conversations when your child is very young and keep them going.
Sex is not just about sexual intercourse; it encompasses much more. We are born as sexual beings, and we lay the foundation for future conversations by teaching children the accurate names for their genitals, promoting bodily autonomy, and role-modelling healthy relationships and boundaries from a young age. Ongoing conversations require effort and dedication and being proactive.
Change your mindset:
Challenge assumptions such as assuming that if your child asks about pornography, it means they have already watched it. Don't think that certain things, like your child watching porn, would never happen. Recognize that it's not just one "sex talk" but an ongoing series of conversations. Avoid avoiding certain topics or withholding your values and opinions out of fear that it may destroy their innocence. Shift from negative thinking to positive thinking.
Be an "askable" parent about any topic.
Even if you think your child is too young or the question catches you off guard, embrace their curiosity and be open to answering their inquiries. Children naturally want to know why, how, when, and what, and it's crucial to create an environment where they feel comfortable asking questions. Pre-plan by considering how you would answer if they asked you about sex. By fostering shame-free conversations, you ensure that they don't seek answers from friends or the internet and instead feel confident that you will listen, guide, and support them.
Be the askable parents when our kids need advice or when they have questions.
Throughout our conversation, we chatted about how much more equipped our children will be for their future romantic relationships if we start talking to them now, in age-appropriate ways, about their bodies, their relationships, and their impact on other people.
We are protecting our kids when we educate them – it’s our responsibility. Let’s also be positive because what we say has a huge influence on our children. We don’t want our kids to go elsewhere to find the answers; we want them to come to us. So that means keeping the door open, not slamming the door shut to questions and conversations about sex. It’s not easy, but we can all be askable parents!
So, take a big deep breath because you’ve got this: You are your child’s biggest sex educator (even if you don’t think you are).
Here are 3 top parenting books to be the askable parent that your child needs:
This is so Awkward by Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett
A reliable and relatable guide for parents about the modern adolescent experience. Written by experienced parents, a pediatrician, and puberty educators, this is a modern, up-to-date handbook. It was published in 2023.
The Essential Sex Education Book for Parents-Guided Conversations to have with your Tweens and Teens by Daniel Rice
A parent guide to help support you and encourages your child to open up, be honest, and not feel ashamed discussing over 70 sexual health topics. Each subject features an easy-to-understand explanation, as well as questions and prompts designed to help you start meaningful dialogues together. It was published in 2022.
‘Sex Ed For Grown Ups’ by Jonny Hunt
The book is recommended for all adults who want to know how to talk openly and honestly to the young people in their lives about all things sex and relationships.
