How can we help our children recognise that their bodies can give them early warning signs when they are not safe?
Here are 10 tips to help children know how to listen to their bodies, know what they can do when they feel unsafe, and who to tell.
10 Tips to Help Children Feel Safe
Help them to recognise their emotions
Emotions are important and are a part of being human. Being excited can make your stomach have butterflies, sadness can make you cry, and anger can make you sweat. When children name their feelings, this can help to recognise that the feeling is unsafe.
Don’t dismiss their emotions but validate them
When your child expresses an emotion, if you tell your child that they couldn’t possibly be feeling sad, angry, stressed, cold, or whatever the emotion, this can make them think that their emotions don’t matter. So, when that feeling gives them an early warning sign, it could make them think that it is not important and not tell anyone about it.
Talk about what early warning signs might be
Discuss what safe and unsafe emotions look, sound, and feel like, and how they affect our body. Ask: What do you feel like when you have an unsafe feeling? Things such as having a dry mouth, crying, your feet feeling stuck, heart beating fast, a headache, sweating, or a knot in your stomach. Talk about those feelings and how they could be our body telling us that we need to tell a trusted adult.
Talk with your child about your own experiences in everyday life
Talk about how you feel when you are scared, shocked or sad. When you had a nightmare, or someone was mean to you. Tell your child what happens in your body when you feel these emotions, when you have felt them, and how your body reacted. Make these conversations safe and normal.
Role play by giving your child some examples of situations and discuss how their body could give them an early warning sign
Here are some examples:
What would you do if someone wanted to take a photo of you in your undies?
What would you do if someone was tickling you and then tickled your private parts?
What would you do if someone that you trusted said they would give you $50 or give you a present if you kissed them on the lips?
What could you do if you felt uncomfortable around someone?
Safety Network
Talk about what your child should do and who they can talk to when they experience an unsafe early warning sign. Your ‘safety network’ are 5 trusted adults who will believe your child, who they can go to, and who will keep them safe.
Click here to download my safety network star
Talk about unsafe body secrets
There should never be a secret about any part of the body. If they are told anything about bodies they need to always tell and check in with a trusted adult.
Teach your child to speak up when they feel an early warning sign
Practice being assertive, what to say and do. Role play in a strong, loud voice with hands on hips saying, “Go away, don’t touch me!”
Empower your kids to know that even though they are kids, they are the boss of their bodies
Everyone needs to ask and give permission to touch them, no matter who they are (consent).
Code word
Agree on a code word and tell your child that if they are ever at a friend’s house or anywhere and they feel an early warning sign, to use the code word. It could be as simple as cheesecake, lizard or orange. Or say that you have a bad tummy ache. Let them know that if they ever say this word, or phrase, no matter where they are, you, the parent, will collect them as quickly as possible.
If our children recognise what an early warning sign is and what that looks and sounds like, then that can help them to verbalise the signal. They need to know that we are there for them, that we will always believe them, listen to them, and that they should tell us if they have an early warning sign about anything. This will help them to know that they have the right to be and feel safe all of the time, and that there is nothing so awful that it can’t be talked through with someone.
More Resources About Child Safety and Consent For Parents and Kids
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