After teaching a number of programs in schools this week about pornography I have been thinking a lot about it. If children are accessing pornography earlier than ever, we need to teach them pornography safety and prevention education. I have received a few messages asking how? How can we talk to our child about pornography in age appropriate ways?
Life presents itself with many opportunities to talk about pornography in music clips, television, online games, YouTube, and social media -so point them out and always use these opportunities. What you say of course will depend on the age of your child.
For example with pre-schoolers you could say something like this…
If you ever see nude pictures or videos on a computer or ipad this is called pornography. This is not safe or good to look at. It’s definitely not for kids because they show people often hurting each other or touching each other’s private parts. If you see them, I will be really proud of you if you tell me. You won’t be in trouble. I am telling you this because I want you to be safe and pornography is dangerous.
With older pre-teen children, and if you have talked about sex, then you could also say …they are actors who are paid to hurt each while they are having sex, it looks like they are having fun but it’s not real.
Questions to ask your preteen could be;
Have you ever heard of pornography? Have any of your classmates talked about or seen something called pornography? Have you ever seen any pictures of nude people online or in real life? How did it make you feel? Has anyone ever shown you nude pictures or have your friends ever seen them or talked to you about them? What would you do if you saw a nude video online? What if you were at a friends house/on the bus/in the playground and they showed you pornography what would you do? If you have a question about sex where would you look to find out the answer? Did you know that if you tell me that you have seen pornography I will be proud of you for telling me? Do you know what you could do if you see pornography? (close your eyes, look away and tell a trusted adult asap. Did you know that pornography is dangerous? Did you know that you can find pornography anywhere online? (also mention the social media platforms that your child and their friends use). Who do you think that you could tell besides me that you have seen pornography or that you are worried about it?
Whether your child stumbles across pornography, seek it out for them-self or are shown it by a friend or older sibling, listen to what they are saying and take your cues from them. Remain calm, even if you don’t feel that way. Be reassured that their curiosity about sexuality education is normal and it’s a healthy thing, so try not to freak out! Always be positive, reaffirming shame-free and non-judgemental. Ask open-ended questions and be the ‘go to’ parent if they have access to a digital device then start early.
Get help if you need it. Talking about pornography is not easy and it’s not a one-off conversation. You don’t have to be the expert. Porn is a reality so with this, you have the influence to educate and empower your child. Don’t miss out on this important opportunity.
Here are some fabulous resources that can help you get educated including how to protect your child on the internet;
Culture Reframed an Australian website that educates parents about hyper-sexualised media and pornography here A course for parents of tweens about pornography here A list of downloadable parent tips about the dangers of pornography here
E childhood an Australian website that implements and mobilises digital, legislative education solutions here
Protect Young Minds is an American website to empower and protect young children from pornography and sexual exploitation here
Resources about how to talk to your children about pornography here
Here are some great books for children about pornography from my website
https://www.amazingme.com.au/topics/pornography-cyber-safety/
