What to Teach Your Children To Help Keep Them Safe?
A guest post written by Holly-ann Martin
As parents or carers, it’s crucial to teach children about their right to be respected by others in all situations. It is also essential that they have the necessary words when it comes time to speak up for themselves in dangerous situations or confrontations. As a parent or carer, you want your child to feel comfortable coming to tell you about any difficult situation in which they find themselves, so that you can guide them through whatever option seems most appropriate at the time. If we set the example for our children by teaching them some valuable lessons, they will be able to adopt these skills as their own and feel confident asserting themselves with others.
Children need to be taught Protective Education from a young age, and this can be done in an age-appropriate way, without scaring children.
When you teach your child about the following five things, it will help keep them safe from abuse:
5 Things to Teach Your Children to Keep Them Safe
Consent
The first step to talking with kids about consent is explaining that everyone has a right to say “yes” or “no”, and it's essential for them to do so. Here are some clear messages to teach your children:
- You do not have to hug or kiss anyone if you don’t want to.
- You are the boss of your body.
- No one has the right to touch your body (not even friends) if you don’t want them to unless it’s a medical emergency.
- If someone tries to make you do something private or that makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, tell a trusted adult straight away and keep telling until someone listens and helps you.
- Even if it’s a grown-up and even if they said ‘it’ was ok, no matter what has been said or implied beforehand that made you think it would be ok, it is never ok for anyone to do anything private with you against your will.
Early Warning Signs
Are involuntary physical sensations our bodies feel when we do not feel safe, when we are excited or when we are in challenging situations. It is our natural ‘fight, flight, freeze or faint’ response to perceived danger.
Everyone is different; therefore, it is vital to provide children with a chance to experience their Early Warning Signs in a controlled situation to learn to identify them. Help your child learn to identify their Early Warning Signs by supervising them in one or more of the following activities:
- Walk on a balance beam
- Wear a blindfold
- Blow up and burst a balloon
- Watch a pop-up toaster
- Make popcorn
- Go on play equipment that is high up
- Play with a jack-in-the-box
- Carry a bucket of water and don’t spill any
- Listen to music that builds to a climax.
Here is a list of some of the Early Warning Signs:
Beads of sweat, sweaty palms, sweaty armpits, red cheeks or ears, dry mouth or throat, hair on neck or arms stands up, goosebumps, heart beating fast, wide eyes, eyebrows go up, headache, crying, round mouth, throwing up, clenched fists, shoulders go up, ‘butterflies’ in the tummy, shake all over, jelly legs, curled up toes, jump up, soiled or wet pants.
Safety Team
Help your children develop a Safety Team of five trusted adults who will provide support and protect them if necessary.
The criterion for being a Safety Team person is an adult who will:
- …listen.
- …believe them.
- …be available and accessible.
- …take action if necessary, to protect them and help them feel safe again.
To help your child assemble their Safety Team, trace around their hand, and then use the thumb write on adults who live in your home, second and third fingers write on adults from school or day-care. The fourth and fifth fingers write on other family or community members not living in the same home. For example, another parent (if not living in their home), grandparent, neighbour, aunts, uncles, or adults at out of school activities (e.g., sports coach, scout leader), parents of friends, church leaders, family doctor, etc.
Public and Private
Public means people around.
Private means just for you.
Teaching ‘public’ and ‘private’ as a whole concept, rather than just focusing on private body parts, makes the subject a lot less embarrassing. By teaching children about public and private rooms and places, behaviours, body functions, and clothing, means by the time you get to private body parts, children have heard the terms public and private, so many times they understand the concept and are not threatened or embarrassed by it.
It is very important to teach your child the correct names for their private body parts and that private means just for them. Private body parts are those parts of the body that are covered by bathers and also include the mouth. Reinforce with your child that they own the whole of their body, and no one should touch any part of them unless they give permission.
Boys have four private body parts: mouth, bottom, penis and testicles.
Girls have five private body parts: mouth, breasts, bottom, vulva and vagina.
Ensure your child has a clear understanding that private means just for them, and they are the only ones that can touch their private body parts. If it is necessary for someone, such as a doctor, dentist, or parent, to examine their private body parts, those people must ask for your child’s permission first and have an explanation for why the examination is necessary.
Secrets
Children should be taught that they do not have to keep secrets from you, whether it's a new friend, something they overheard or something that happened at school. Your children need to know that they should never feel like they shouldn't tell you anything because telling you anything can help protect them by either stopping the inappropriate behaviour before it starts or letting them know who to go to if someone tries something with them.
Teach your child that they should never have to keep secrets about any kind of touching and that they should always tell somebody on their Safety Team if someone asks them to keep an ‘Unsafe Secret’ of any kind.
Hopefully, these tips will be helpful for you as parents and carers who want their kids to grow up feeling empowered and confident enough to recognise abuse early on, so they know how to stay safe! Help them practice these skills, and your children will be more than ready to deal with uncomfortable and even dangerous situations if they ever present themselves.
Holly-ann Martin, Managing Director of Safe4Kids, specialises in teaching and producing resources for teaching Protective Education.
If you would like to learn more about keeping kids safe, you might want to follow @Safe4Kids on all the social media platforms or download these free resources https://safe4kids.com.au/starterkit/
Books by Holly-ann Martin
Hayden-Reece Learns What To Do if Children See Private Pictures or Private Movies
Hayden-Reece Learns a Valuable Lesson That Private Means ‘Just for You’
Matilda Learns A Valuable Lesson
Gary Just Didn’t Know The Rules
Parents’ Guide to Child Protection Education
You can also visit our books page where you can find my book reviews on different topics. For book reviews covering child safety and consent, click here.
All the book reviews that are currently published I have read myself. More book reviews are on the way…