Why do we need to have conversations about sex with our kids?
I was having dinner with a group of girlfriends last week, and one posed this question to the group: Why on earth do we need to have conversations with our kids about sex and so often? I found out about periods from my girlfriends and I’m okay with that.
I have so much to say about this, but today I thought that I would focus on the why. Why do we need to have conversations with our kids about sex (and so often)? The beginning of the new year is a great time to be reminded of the importance of this.
So here are 9 reasons why we should think about the why!
What you say and do now lays the foundations for now and later on in your child’s life.
Whether you’re empowering your child to say no if someone is touching their genitals, talking about puberty before it’s happening, or discussing pornography, it’s the same principle as teaching your child to put on sunscreen before they get sunburnt.
We want kids to be safe, happy, healthy, kind, and respectful.
These attributes, including others like consent, pleasure, feelings and body safety, are all a part of the human sexual experience, so it’s not just about the act of sex.
It’s our responsibility, not theirs.
It’s a parent’s job. Our kids need us. They are exposed to information from a much earlier age and from everywhere, including friends, the internet, and social media. It’s not always correct, helpful, or safe.
Studies suggest our kids want to talk with us.
You might think that that’s not true, but it is. Children generally want to talk about it. So, get in early before pornography becomes your child’s number one teacher. It’s a wonderful opportunity but not always easy!! 🤪
We want our children to have similar values to our family.
With such easy access to the internet, media, and popular culture, we need to empower our children to make wise decisions based on our values and beliefs (as early as possible), so that they can make well-informed choices for themselves.
Children are curious
Children ask questions. Take it from me, I get hundreds of questions in my lessons every week! Like… Do you have sex? What’s pornography? What’s a period? When will I go through puberty? What’s rape? They want to know what a 69er is? Who's going to tell them? Hopefully you and not their friends or the internet.
Why start conversations when your child is so young?
Firstly, we need to remember that sex is not just about sexual intercourse. If we don’t have early ongoing natural conversations then it can be harder and sometimes impossible when a child is older.
The aim is not to shame
The subject might feel like something to feel shame or guilt about if it’s never talked about. Shame causes fear, anger, embarrassment, mixed messages, confusion, resentment, and it breaks down healthy relationships. Living in a culture of shame also might prevent your child from disclosing harm, abuse, or a challenge they are facing. They must feel safe to tell you, and shame does not promote a sense of trust or safety.
Connection is key
Importantly, conversations can lead to strengthening your relationship with your child and make you the ‘askable’ and approachable parent. If your child wants to know something, they know they can come to you, whatever it is about, and that includes sex..
Build healthy and safe relationship with the kids
Let’s face it. How is your child going to find out all of this information if we don’t model healthy and safe relationships and have ongoing conversations? They will probably learn from their friends or the internet!
So, let’s all be challenged in 2024, whatever we believe, to start or continue conversations with our children about sex. I am here to support you in any way that I can.
