When you think of the word consent, what comes to mind? Saying yes or no to sex, right?
Consent education should start way earlier than that and has nothing to do with sex until later on. Children learn about consent in everyday life relationships whether you realise it or not. How we respond to a child about consent sends them the message that their choice is valuable. By giving children choices, for example, whether or not they would like to be hugged, what they wear, what they want to play with, what they would like to do and that they are allowed to change their minds, teaches them how to express consent for future relationships, pleasure, their needs and wants, body boundaries and being safe.
Here are ten ways to teach your child about consent
- Model consent as a parent and family in everyday life. It takes practice and is a lifelong conversation. Can you please do that? Can you share that
- Teach bodily autonomy by giving your child choices. What would you like?
- Teach your child how to handle rejection. That ‘no’ doesn’t mean that the other person does not like you, but at the same time ‘stop’ if someone says ‘no’.
- Teach body boundaries, that they are important and to be respected.
- ‘No’ means ‘no’ and is not a mean word or they are not a mean person if they say ‘no’. It’s also okay to change your mind.
- Normalise conversations through the media. Use examples from movies, songs and television that portray how consent is often inaccurately or accurately portrayed.
- Teach your child that they are the boss of their own body. They can say ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
- Help your child to read body language and to understand that their behaviour affects others. So, ask questions like how do you think they felt when you did that or said that?
- Validate, support and believe their reactions and give them respectful ways to react. They could say ‘Can I please shake your hand?’, instead of a no to a hug for example.
- Teach your child to listen to their bodies and how. If their gut says no listen to it and tell an adult that you trust until you are safe.
I was not bought up and did not bring my own children up with an understanding of consent but you can, and that’s exciting! With practise and by being pro-active we can teach and model to our children through our actions, reactions and open positive conversations that consent is important. They must learn that their feelings, bodies, identity and relationships are important and valuable. Through understanding and the empowerment that comes with this, hopefully, we can lower the statistics of domestic violence and sexual abuse.
