From toddlers to teens there are developmental stages and it’s the same with sexual stages of development. Sometimes this freaks parents out as we think that sex is just ‘one’ thing or that learning about it only needs to start from puberty. This is why it can be helpful to know what is normal for each stage, so that we can know what to say, what’s normal and what to expect.
0-3 years
⭐️ Touching and rubbing genitals in public and private
⭐️ No inhibitions around nudity
⭐️ Curiosity and awareness of their own genitals and others
⭐️ Showing genitals to others
⭐️ Starting to understanding gender identity
3-5 years
⭐️ Endless questions
⭐️ Playing doctors and nurses or other games
⭐️ Curiosity and awareness of their own genitals and others
⭐️ No inhibitions around nudity
⭐️ Uses slang names for genitals and toilet humour
⭐️ Touching and rubbing their genitals in public and private
⭐️ Continuing to understand gender norms, stereotypes and roles
5-7 years
⭐️ Interested in pregnancy and birth
⭐️ Continuing to understand gender norms, stereotypes and roles
⭐️ Uses slang names for genitals and toilet humour
⭐️ Looking up words and images on the internet
⭐️ Increasing interest in bodies, reproduction and starting to know it’s a taboo subject
⭐️ Touching and rubbing their genitals in public and private
8-12 years
⭐️ Playing games with children that involve relationships such as boyfriend or girlfriend
⭐️ Attempting to see other people naked or undressing
⭐️ Making comparisons of self and others
⭐️ Listening and looking at sexual content in media and internet
⭐️ Wanting more privacy
⭐️ Being reluctant to talk to adults
⭐️ Beginnings of sexual attraction
⭐️ Interested more in peer group
⭐️ Beginnings of puberty
⭐️ Masturbation in private
Every child is different so the way they react and how you treat them can sometimes be dependent on what stage of sexual development they are in. For example, a toddler is not usually inhibited about their bodies whereas an older child will usually be quite private.
Children may not think about sexuality in the same way as adults, but they are constantly learning from our behaviour and observing our attitudes at each stage. What we model to children is powerful in shaping their ideas, decisions, values and attitudes. For example, if we constantly tell a young child that nudity is disgusting then they may become ashamed of their bodies. If a child never receives any physical or emotional affection then they may think that touch or being hugged is not important in a relationship.
If a parent never talks about puberty, then the child may think that the changes that are happening are not normal and a taboo subject.
Understanding healthy childhood sexual development can also play a role in child sexual abuse prevention, because children may have a better understanding of what is normal, healthy, body boundaries, and safe and unsafe touch. Keep in mind that it’s a life-long journey – each one of us, no matter our age, is going through a stage of sexual development. We are all learners with so much to be open to discover and make sense of.
So, what exactly do they need to know at each stage?
Stay tuned, that’s for the next blog…………..
