Talking to your child about sex is a lifelong conversation
That means a few things. You can tell your child you are feeling nervous and that you don’t know all of the answers (but you will find out and then get educated yourself). You can even have a script as to how to have positive conversations about sex if you feel that you need it. Get advice and support if you need it. Imagine that you are your child (they might be as nervous as you). Take a deep breath because you can make mistakes (I have made thousands) and that’s ok as you will talk again. That means that it is less of a pressure to get all of the information about “The Talk” to your child in one go.
The earlier you start, the better
Research suggests that early ‘age appropriate’ conversations help make wise and safe sexual decisions in the future, even though you think it might be the opposite.
Be open and honest
If you start telling them that they were made in a blender (IVF) or delivered by a stork, it may mean that further down the track they will not believe you or approach you when they want to know the truth. Research tells us that using the correct names of our genitals can also help prevent child abuse.
Find out what they know already
Don’t assume anything. Sometimes they know more or less than you think. They pick up words from lots of places! It doesn’t mean they know what they really mean. If you launch into a half an hour conversation (at them) when all they wanted to know was one part then you may either freak them out or they might just tune out. Remember you can add your faith, beliefs, morals and values when YOU are the information giver! Also remember to keep conversations about sex uncomplicated, short and age appropriate.
Be positive
If you encourage positive conversations about sex and show an interest in their thoughts and feelings and validate your child’s questions rather than shutting them off (a sure way to stop the conversation!) they will most likely want to talk with you more. Using open ended questions and positive body language will help. It’s ok to laugh too because sometimes it’s really funny!
Be on the same page as your partner
You may have different opinions, faith and your past experience will most likely to be different to each other and all of this can affect how and what you want to say to your child. Talk about what you will say together to your child if you disagree with each other and most importantly model and talk about healthy relationships whether you have a partner or not (sex is not just about the physical act).
Use everyday ordinary opportunities
Tampon ads, tv series and movies, billboards, radio, songs, online games, newspaper articles, a pregnant relative. The opportunities are endless. Spending more time opens up and encourages positive conversations about sex. For example, the discussion can be done on the way to sports games, shopping, dinner time, etc.
Whatever you do, don't give up!
Be brave and start the conversations about sex. Don’t leave it up to your child, (otherwise it may never happen.) You know your child better than anyone so don’t underestimate yourself. Even if they don’t want to talk (you can’t force them) try again and be patient, kind, respectful and forgive one another (not always easy I know)
And (drum roll please) Sex is not just about sexual intercourse
It’s so much more and that statement right there has a lot of implications for us as parents because what exactly do you want your child to know? What does sex mean to you. We are born as sexual beings. Sex can be social, personal, physical emotional and spiritual. It can also be about bodies, connection, faith, reproduction, puberty, gender diversity, sexual orientation, love, closeness, identity, choices, consent, respect, discipline, responsibility, safety, authenticity, attraction, sexual feelings, pleasure, sexual expression, personal values, choices, pregnancy, relationships, beliefs, faith, foreplay, morals, attitudes, behaviour, STIs, body image, abuse, IVF, and more. It’s about caring for, respecting and enjoying yourself, your body. Often society and the media makes sex all about pleasure and body parts with little or no consequences and with pornography in the picture it becomes even more complicated and even more important than EVER that we have open, honest and real conversations.
So, be brave..YOU CAN DO THIS!!
