When we think about sex education we often just think about ‘the one talk’ right? Sex education is so much more and research suggests that open honest and accurate conversations can empower all of us to make wise sexual choices in the future. Isn’t this what you want for your family?
My mum and dad never had any talk/s with me. I came home from school one day and there was ‘the’ book sitting on my bed. I still have that exact copy, ‘Where Did I Come From?’ by Peter Mayle. It used to be one of the only books around in those days and to this day it is still very funny. Many parents I meet still use this. The book ‘What’s Happening to Me?’ is the follow-up, and as a teen I read these books and got the shock of my life! That was it! Done and dusted…no questions asked, and no conversations with mum and dad necessary. Even though my parents were quite progressive (they both worked full time and believed in equality back in the day) it must have been difficult for them to have these conversations, as it is the same for many families. At the age of 10 I got my periods. Once again I got the shock of my life because I wasn’t ready for this. I felt lonely as I had never talked about it, I was totally embarrassed, and I had no one to talk to.
Sex can mean different things to different people. There is not one universal definition of ‘sex’, rather, there are a variety of perspectives. Regardless of your beliefs, faith, values or moral framework, sex encompasses a huge part of our lives. We are born as sexual beings. ‘Sex’ can also be about bodies, connection, our souls, faith, reproduction, puberty, gender diversity, sexual orientation, love, closeness, identity, choices, consent, respect, discipline, responsibility, safety, authenticity, attraction, sexual feelings, pleasure, sexual expression, personal values, choices, pregnancy, emotions, relationships, beliefs, foreplay, morals, attitudes, education, behaviour, STIs, body image, abuse, IVF, and more. It’s about caring for, respecting and enjoying yourself and your body and others. It can be a source of deep joy but it can also be one of great hardship and destruction, depending on your past experiences and your family of origin (the way you were bought up). Society and the media portray sex as all about pleasure and body parts with little or no consequences, and with pornography in the picture it becomes even more complicated. So what does sex education mean in this day and age?
If sex is social, personal, physical emotional and spiritual then we can educate our children in the way that we would with everything else. For example, we can normalise conversations in the everyday opportunities of life, for example talking about what we see on TV shows (your morals and values) or the way you talk about private and public parts of the body (child protection). Or, if you make your child does not want to kiss a family member this is all about consent. How you relate to your family, if you are affectionate and open is all about relationships. Opportunities for ‘sex education’ are all around you. Make the most of school-based programs too, (there are some good ones around). Also check out your school’s curriculum and what they will be teaching.
Most importantly, as parents you have far more influence on your child’s sex education than anyone else.
