Just because you teach your kids about sex doesn't mean you're destroying their innocence
I have a bugbear would you like to know what it is? It’s not rocket science but I have so many emails each week about parents who worry that talking about sex will destroy their child’s innocence, I thought that I would write about it.
Just because you teach your pre-teen about something doesn’t mean that they will try it.
Just because you teach your pre-teen about drugs and vaping, doesn’t mean they will take them.
Just because you teach your pre-teen about a menstrual cup or a tampon doesn’t mean they are going to use one as soon when they get their first period.
Just because you teach your pre-teen about gender doesn’t mean they will become gender fluid.
Just because talk about consent doesn’t mean they are going to have sex on their 16th birthday (that’s the age of consent in Australia).
Just because you talk about pornography doesn’t mean that they will rush out and watch it.
Just because you talk about body safety, sex, abortion, masturbation or even where the clitoris is or that sex is about pleasure and connection not just reproduction, this doesn’t mean you are destroying their innocence or they will be scarred for life.
Creating Positive Connections
In fact, the opposite is true. If they are taught in safe, loving, age-appropriate, ongoing ways, research tells us that they are more likely to have more confidence in themselves, and make wiser, safer choices. As well as all of this, by working to create positive, ongoing connections you get to talk to your children about all of these things in the context of the beliefs and values of your family.
This is what we all want -right? -Education in fact changes lives.
So many of the parents that I meet are fearful about destroying their child’s innocence by even saying words like ‘pornography’, ‘masturbation’ or ‘consent’ Research actually shows the opposite, that children who are educated about sex in a wholistic way are more likely to delay having sex, use condoms and other contraception if they choose to become sexually active and have healthy respectful safe relationships.
In today’s world it’s more important than ever for children to know about these things in an age-appropriate way. Our kids need to know that these topics are not off limits, that you are open to talking and they can come to you with their questions. Importantly they need to know what your beliefs and values are around these and other tricky topics and issues.
Ultimately, our kids should not feel ashamed about their body, curiosity or feelings. If they don’t talk to you, who might they ask and where will they look for the answers to their questions? We all know that that will probably be the internet and there they will find pornography. So let’s all remember that no matter how we were educated or how we feel let’s educate our kids about sex.
