How would you answer this question if your child asked you?
Imagine you are preparing for your child’s 10th birthday party. As you blow up a long white balloon your child asks, ‘Is that a condom?’
This happened to me, like most questions they pop up when you are not expecting them. It would have been fine for me to answer, but my mum was helping too, and she never talked with me about condoms, let alone anything else!
When my child asked me, I actually felt confident to know what to say, but I didn’t say it because I didn’t want my mum to get offended, and I also didn’t want her opinion added to the mix.
I was so annoyed with myself! What would you have said?
This term, I have been focusing on answering some of the many questions that I get asked each day from the students that I teach, and ‘What is a condom?’ is definitely one of them.
In retrospect, what I could have said was, ‘That’s a great question because a condom does look like a long balloon, but this actually isn’t a condom. I would love to talk with you more about what a condom is, but how about we talk about it later?’ Then, I could have been proactive and brought it up again in a private moment.
Later on, I could have clarified the question by saying, ‘You know how you thought the balloon was a condom well I’d love to talk with you about condoms?’ ‘What do you know about them?’
I know that there are always ‘would haves’, ‘should haves’, and ‘could haves’, but the great news is that the opportunity was not missed.
Sex education is no longer the one talk but many conversations over a lifetime, and this means there are other opportunities if you are proactive and look for them.
Below, I share a possible way that you can answer the question, ‘What is a condom?’ if your pre-teen asked you.
You may use bits of this conversation and include your explanations, values, and beliefs.
‘There are 2 main reasons why people wear condoms. The first is because it can stop them making a baby, and the second reason is to help protect them from getting an infection when they have sex.
Because people mainly have sex for pleasure to feel nice and to be close to each other, most of the time they don’t want to make a baby. So, what they do is use something called birth control or contraception. One of these is a condom.
There are different condoms but the main one is placed over the penis. Condoms are really interesting because they are like thin rubber long balloons. When people are having sex, the penis gets hard and stiff; (you might need to talk about erections because they don’t always know what they are.) The condom is then put over the penis. It fits like a rubber glove. So that means when the semen, that’s the sticky stuff mixed with the sperm, comes out of the penis, instead of swimming into the other person, the sperm gets trapped in the condom so they don’t get pregnant (make a baby) because the egg and sperm don’t join together. The condom blocks the sperm from joining the egg.
The other reason why it’s really important that a condom is worn during any type of sex is that it can help protect people from getting infections and sharing germs – just like if you cough, you should cover your mouth or wear a face mask. Sexually transmitted infections or STIs can be passed on from one person to someone else during sex if they don’t wear a condom -so wearing one is really important and can reduce the risk of an infection. In our family, we believe condoms are ……….. because ………’ Do you have any questions about condoms because I would love to answer them. No question is off-limits.
It’s important to remember that conversations about condoms are not just about safe sex or being responsible, but also healthy relationships, intimacy, consent, and pleasure.
If you have any more questions that your child has asked you and you would like to know how you could answer them then please let me know! I am here to support you in any way that I can, so please feel free to contact me or connect with me on Instagram here
