How would you answer this question if your child asked you?
Each day in the anonymous question box that I have in class I usually get asked, ‘What is a wet dream?’ Then inevitably a child will ask ‘Is it when you wet the bed at night while having a dream?’
It sure sounds like it right? That’s why I think that the term ‘wet dream’ is unhelpful. The correct terminology is a nocturnal emission -meaning semen or lubrication that comes out of the penis or vagina in the night time- when a person is asleep.
A nocturnal emission can also be known as a sex dream or orgasm and is spontaneous or involuntarily, in other words you cannot control it from happening.
Here is a possible way that you can answer the question ‘What is a wet dream?’ when your pre-teen asks you,
What a great question! Our bodies are amazing and they do things for a reason. Wet dreams can happen to everyone, but during puberty they can happen a lot more often if your body makes sperm. What do you know about them?
Another name for a wet dream is a nocturnal emission, that means that the semen comes out at night while a person is asleep in a dream. Semen is the white sticky stuff mixed with sperm that is released from the penis. This starts during puberty when sperm is made. Sperm make babies and semen is the sticky white fluid that helps the sperm be able to swim so that the sperm and the egg can join together to make a baby. When the semen comes out of the penis it’s called an ejaculation.
During puberty, the chemical messages called hormones are working overtime and producing a lot of sperm and sometimes it’s like your body makes so much sperm that it overflows with it. A wet dream happens when you are asleep and you have a dream. The dream is not necessarily because you are dreaming about anything to do with sex. It might be about a party or playing sport, it can be about anything and you may or may not remember it.
While you are sleeping you have an erection so your penis gets hard and stiff. The sperm then travels from your testicles, mixes with the semen that helps the sperm to swim and travels out of the end of your penis that’s called an ejaculation. It’s not like a fountain or a volcanic eruption. It’s not like wee or like you wet the bed, it looks like white creamy snot and is about a half to a teaspoonful. Would you believe that there are actually millions of sperm in that small amount of semen – incredible hey!
You might wake up during or after your dream and feel nice tingly feelings, feel a wet sticky patch on your sheets or pjs or you may sleep through and wake up in the morning and the wet patch might feel a little bit crusty -that’s a wet dream.
I’d love to know that you’ve had wet dream if you would like to tell me. If you wake up in the morning and have had a wet dream just make sure they make it to the washing basket! It’s really important that you know that wet dreams are normal, natural, healthy and nothing to be scared embarrassed, or ashamed about. You can’t stop them from happening and you may have lots of them or just a few. A person may experience wet dreams less as they grow older – because everyone is different.
Do you have any more questions?
Many myths surround wet dreams, such as they reduce sperm count, that they just happen to boys, that penis size is reduced if you have too many, and that they only happen when if you have a sexual dream.
Regardless of the circumstance, when your child asks about how wet dreams happen or anything to do with wet dreams, it’s more important than anything to normalise and validate their experiences, rather than reacting with judgment or shame.
Talking with your child about wet dreams provides you with a great opportunity to discuss things like our amazing bodies, reproduction, sex, puberty, and hygiene. You might even consider sharing some of your personal experiences about what it was like to go through puberty. This can lead to conversations, by being an open, positive and approachable parent. As a result, your child can be reassured, feel more confident and know that they are normal whether they have wet dreams or not.
If you have any more questions that your child has asked you and you would like to know how you could answer them then please let me know by hitting the reply button. I am here to support you in any way that I can, so please feel free to contact me or connect with me on Instagram here.
