How To Help Raise a Consent Conscious Child
If you have heard the buzz around consent then you are not alone. Even though I have been teaching children about consent for years and so have you (even if you are not aware of this) …consent is about so much more than just sex and starts when our children are young.
Consent is important in all relationships and is about communication, choices, boundaries, listening, understanding and checking in with each other. All of these elements are essential for safe and respectful relationships, which is ultimately what we want our children to have – right?
A definition of consent:
Giving permission freely for something, without pressure, manipulation, threat or force.
In light of this definition here are some ideas to help raise consent conscious kids and helping kids understand consent.
Tips to Teach Children Consent
Model consent as a parent and family in every-day life
The base of teaching kids consent is to always ask your child for permission. Can you please do that? Can you share that? Everyone in the family needs to ask every time for consent, as it should never be assumed.
Give your child choices
What would you like to do? Wear a dress or shorts today? This validates the fact that they are allowed to make their own choices, that their choice matters, and also so they know what they like and don’t like. Don’t make them kiss or hug people if they don’t want to, as this sends the message that they can’t say no to adults if they are in an unsafe situation.
Teach body boundaries
Teach your child that it’s okay to touch your own private parts in private and that it’s important to ask before you touch anyone ...every single time and that this needs to be respected.
“No” means “no” and needs to be clear
If it’s not clear then ask again for clarity. Teach your child alternative ways of saying “yes” and “no” by using words, actions, and body language in respectful ways.
Normalise conversations through the media
Use examples from movies, songs and television that portray how consent is often inaccurately or accurately portrayed.
Teach your child that they are the boss of their own body
That they have rights and a choice. Your child must learn they should always be and feel safe. From an early age teach them how to wash themselves and know the correct names of genitals.
Help them read body language and to understand that their behaviour impacts others
Teaching children consent also means asking questions like how do you think they felt when you did that or said that?
Teach your child how to handle rejection
“No” does not mean that the other person does not like them. Teach your child to read other people’s body language so they don’t keep pressuring another person, if they are not giving consent.
Teach your child to listen to their bodies and act on their feelings
If their body says “no” then listen to this and tell a trusted adult. Also teach your child to talk about having pleasurable feelings. This will help them to know that it is important to identify and verbalise both positive and negative feelings is important both ‘now’ and in future relationships.
Establish a safety network and speak up
Tell your child you will always be there for them, that you will believe, respect and help them no matter what the situation or circumstance. Identify who are 5 other adults who your child can talk to about anything - this is called a ‘safety network’.
Speaking of a ‘safety network’, click here to get access to 8 helpful handouts for parents and 5 for children, including the safety network star.
Teaching Children Consent Goes a Long Way
Consent is an important life skill applicable to all stages of a child’s cognitive, social, emotional and sexual development. Parents and caregivers must understand that they are always their child’s first and foremost teacher. With practice, and by being proactive, you can teach and model consent to your child. The starting point for a positive understanding of consent, is for children to learn that their feelings, bodies, relationships are important and valuable.
More Resources To Help You Teach Children Consent
Click here for a list of books about child safety and consent. I have read and reviewed all of the books you find on this page and I am still in the process of adding more books to the list.
