Who should talk with kids about sexual health topics?
Who spoke with you about sex when you were growing up? If at all, was it your dad if you are male or your mum if you are female? Traditionally, it was thought that mums or a female figure should talk to the girls and dads or a male figure to their boys.
Firstly, it’s most important to acknowledge that families are all different. Single and same sex parents for example don’t always have the same gendered parent around. Family composition should always be seen as an opportunity, and never a barrier to having great conversations.
Here are 6 reasons why talking with our kids about any sexual health topic does not have to be gendered and why it’s helpful to challenge conventional mindsets around this.
6 Reasons why sex talks do not have to be gendered
1. Different perspectives are important and let’s face it, we all have them. We can all learn from each other. For example, if one parent is a male explaining his understanding about erections because he has them, or a boy understanding periods from mum because she has them, offers a different and important real-life perspective.
2. In our diverse world we need more empathy. The more that our children know about sex in an age-appropriate way, can help them to be more empathetic. Knowledge from different genders helps children to understand others and put themselves in their shoes.
3. Within society sexist and homophobic views still abound. It’s therefore really important for dads in particular, to give the message that men can talk about this and that it’s not just mum’s responsibility. Our children can truly understand this is if it’s lived out.
4. Sex, even though private, is a healthy and normal part of being human. One parent not talking about sex at all can send an unhelpful and confusing message. This does not support or equip the child and could cause shame.
5. Communication is every parent’s responsibility. In our oversexualised and ‘pornified’ world it’s more important than ever that both parents counteract unhelpful messages. Communication is key in creating shame free open, ongoing, safe environments.
6. Opportunities to talk about sex will often come up at the time when you least expect them. What if one parent is not there? Embrace these opportunities. Do we want to say wait to ask your mother or father or shut down essential conversations?
Times are changing
The parents that I meet often believe that talks with children should be gendered. I often ask girls if they would talk with their dads about periods and would boys talk about shaving for example with their mums, and most of the time, they say no. In my 30 years of teaching sex education, we still have a long way to go.
Times have changed. Just because you don’t have the same genitals, get discharge or a period or your voice breaks doesn’t mean you can’t talk about it.
I’m pleased to say that as an educator I am finding that things are changing slowly. Boys often ask me about discharge or periods and girls ask about erections. All kids are curious. There is also something amazing that happens when fathers and daughters come to my talks. It opens up conversations, breaks down stigma, taboo and shame which ultimately strengthens relationships. This is what we all want within our families right? So be pro-active and get those non-gendered conversations happening with your kids.
Continue reading:
You are your child’s sex educator.
Tips about having positive conversations about sex.
Is it okay for your child to be curious about sex?
What stops us from talking with our children about tough topics?
10 Reasons why fathers are sex educators too.
Talking about sex with your kids is a life-long conversation.
