“If most abusers are known to the victim, how do I tell my child this without scaring them and not making me paranoid of everyone?” - Dad of a 10-year-old
It’s April and Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month and a great reason to become more educated, more aware and pro-active to be able to stop this from happening.
I was running a parenting program last term and a dad asked me this question. “If most abusers are known to the victim, how do I tell my child this without scaring them and not making me paranoid of everyone?”
It’s a tough question, but if sexual abusers are mostly known to the victim, then how can we teach our kids this essential information?
7 things you can teach your child
That all body safety rules apply even if your child knows and loves the person
Facts like having boundaries, private parts, early warning signs and being the boss of their own body still apply even if they know the person.
Be direct and tell them
You could say something like this “Most people including adults are kind but some can hurt kids and you might even know them or love them and this can sometimes make it harder to tell me, but you can still say no or stop. It’s still important that you speak up and tell me, I will always believe you and do everything I can to keep you safe.”
That people that hurt children don’t all look like criminals
In conversations talk about the fact that people that hurt children don’t all look like criminals, in white vans or with angry faces that the child might even know who they are.
Your child is allowed to say “no” and “stop”
That even if the child knows the person they are interacting with, that saying ‘no’ or ‘stop’ is still important. These words apply no matter the person even if they don’t want to disappoint them. Having boundaries in all relationships teaches a child that they can say ‘no’ or ‘stop’ in any situation especially when they are not safe.
Your child should know that they have the right to be and feel safe all of the time
No matter whoever is interacting with your child, even if they know the person and love them, they still have the right to be and feel safe all of the time.
Trust can change
If over 95% of perpetrators are known to the victim our children need to know that a trustworthy person can become untrustworthy, that even though they may have trusted a person trust can change. Trust means that the person listens to you, believes you and helps you to be and feel safe all the time.
That a body secret should never be kept whoever it is and the difference between secrets and surprises
A person that asks you to keep a secret about touching bodies in any way should never be kept a secret. Secrets might never be told but surprises will always be told.
What our children need to know
Ultimately, our children need to know that it’s important to have boundaries no matter who the person is, that we will believe them, we will listen to them, keep them safe, and help to support them in any way we can.
Also, and most importantly, that they will never be in trouble if they tell us if anything happens to them -whether online, or in real life, no matter who the person is that is doing it to them.
For us as adults it’s our responsibility to protect our children so it’s important to be pro-active and aware of who they are interacting (online and in real life). Have regular conversations, encourage them to speak with you and let them know that they can talk to you at any time.
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More resources by Amazing Me:
- Download my free resources, including a body safety checklist here
- Click here to read more blogs about child safety and consent
- Explore books about safety and consent.
- Click here for my course about puberty that you can do with your child
Click here for my course about bodies and babies that you can do with your child
